I just watched an hour-long commercial for overpriced lingerie, a.k.a. The 2011 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, a.k.a. Put That Down, You Fat Fool, It’s Full of Dangerous Nutrients.
You think the models looked too skinny? Well you must be a real jealous bitch! They were BORN THIS WAY, baby. The runway finale song said so. There’s no need to worry about these starving women. I swear, if you stare long enough at the protruding clavicles of the Angels, you can have some really deep thoughts. I’ll share some of mine below.
VICTORIA’S SECRET FASHION SHOW REFLECTIONS INSPIRED BY THE BONES OF THE ANGELS
Miranda Kerr’s ribcage: What’s really higher in value, the $12.5 million Fantasy Bra, or the privilege of “opening the aquatic section”? (Someone should ask Adam Levine.)
Karlie Kloss’ pelvic girdle: If I showed up to the office tomorrow in pink jellyfish wings, would everyone think “too much” or “not enough”? Same question: mirrorball ass.
Chanel Iman’s coccyx: Do you think that when Will Ferrell said “No one knows what it means, but it’s provocative” in Blades of Glory (sampled in Kanye West and Jay-Z’s “N**gas in Paris”), he was also referring to the Victoria’s Secret PINK collection? And also, possibly, its most original 2011 creation, Nicki Minaj?
Isabel Goulart’s lumbar vertebrae: How many parasols is too many parasols? Do I have goosebumps during this “steamy, sultry, turn of the century New Orleans” number because I’m cold or they’re cold? Would J. Lo approve? I figured it out: I’M cold.
elle:
Holiday Hair
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Photo: Getty Images
So beautiful.
